In celebration of her 30th birthday, Emily's family has shared the following stories and memories of Emily and how she has impacted their lives.
Caroline Nelson Kaur
Where to begin… I consider Emily more like my sister than my cousin. We shared many Christmas celebrations and backpacking trips together when we were children. I have wonderful memories with her in grandma and grandpa’s house putting on plays and chatting in the back seat of a car on road trips. As we grew older, we became true friends. When she met Joe, I knew she had finally found a partner worthy of her. I was so excited when Claire and Max came along. Even though I live on the opposite coast, I have seen them every year as they’ve grown. Whether it’s playing with homemade playdough, baking cookies, going to the beach, or going to Disney land, I feel a special connection to them through Emily.
In bad times and in good times she has been there for me. She sent flowers when I was ill and flew out to Philadelphia on a moment’s notice to be my maid of honor. She is a quiet but enduring voice of support in my life. I can confide in her with absolute trust. I love her very much and wish her the most wonderful 30th birthday!
Little did I know that my sweet baby Emilee liked curls. Her first curls were just a sweet mistake. After drying her hair one time, I curled each strand of her hair under little butterflies which covered her whole head. At night we removed them and she started screaming because her hair was all curly and she did not want to go to sleep because the curls were going to fade away. A few curls were saved that day by the hairspray godmother.
In bad times and in good times she has been there for me. She sent flowers when I was ill and flew out to Philadelphia on a moment’s notice to be my maid of honor. She is a quiet but enduring voice of support in my life. I can confide in her with absolute trust. I love her very much and wish her the most wonderful 30th birthday!
Gina Luque
My sweet Emilee, what can I not tell you about her?
Emilee was born in the Year of the Dragon under great number eight - Day 18, Year 1988, Hour 8:00 am. An extremely lucky number in our Chinese culture, and I was on the phone calling her to top it all.
She was smart as a whip, unless money was not green; she did try to throw away all the checks from her garage sale before she was two-years-old. Yes, the checks were saved and deposited accordingly. Her favorite phrase was ‘All my toys are mine and yours too’. Boy did I lose a few stuffed animals that way.
Solving the mystery of the used books. She wondered for a while why I always got her secondhand books, since everyone else seemed to buy her new ones. A first lesson on real math. So I started her with one book that would cost $5. Or you could go to DI (Deseret Industries) where books are usually $1 each and buy 5 books with $5. Or we could stop at a garage sale where the books are $0.25 each, which means four books per dollar and $5 equals 20. I showed her using books and money so she could see the difference, and I never got asked to buy her a new book again. From that time, I would usually bring her boxes of garage sale books.
In kinder/first grade, Emilee and her Uncle Rolo to school once for show and tell where they danced the ‘El Punto' - one of Panama's most beloved dances. Grandma Luque made her a pollera after she kept asking for one to dance with us on our performance in Utah where she always took center stage.
Little did I know that my sweet baby Emilee liked curls. Her first curls were just a sweet mistake. After drying her hair one time, I curled each strand of her hair under little butterflies which covered her whole head. At night we removed them and she started screaming because her hair was all curly and she did not want to go to sleep because the curls were going to fade away. A few curls were saved that day by the hairspray godmother.
Kathleen Mayfield
What are little girls made of, made of,
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice and everything nice,
That's what little girls are made of.
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice and everything nice,
That's what little girls are made of.
Though Emily was already a young woman, soon to be married to my son by the time I met her, surely this rhyme was written about her. Emily's brilliant smile makes her face dance with sunshine. She laughs easily, making the world a better place just by being here. While her natural beauty makes you notice her, it's her enduring qualities that bring you to love her.
Kindness and devotion to her husband and children are hallmarks of her character. I have seen her tender care and eternal patience for a child who is sick, unhappy, or just being obstinate. Really, I have never seen her lose her temper. Frustrated perhaps, but always reigning in situations before they get out of control. This ability saves her home from chaos and brings peace.
Kindness and devotion to her husband and children are hallmarks of her character. I have seen her tender care and eternal patience for a child who is sick, unhappy, or just being obstinate. Really, I have never seen her lose her temper. Frustrated perhaps, but always reigning in situations before they get out of control. This ability saves her home from chaos and brings peace.
Faith in God is demonstrated by her willingness to be obedient to God's commandments, her service in church and to others, her time spent in temple worship, a love of people and compassion for those who suffer. I strive to follow her example.
Fun, fun, fun. Emily loves to enjoy family time, friends and life. Let's play a game, cook good food, go on an outing, take the kids on an adventure. Did you say "Disney Land" or the beach. Let's go! If you're with Emily you're probably having fun. Lol
Try something new, maybe you'll like it. Emily enjoys a challenge, trying new skills, learning things. She learned to make soap and used this skill to craft handmade Christmas gifts. Culinary creations are always happening in her kitchen; lucky for those who feast at her table! Sewing, crafting, organizing her house, these are few of her skills that bless her family. She constantly seeks to improve her home.
Time for mom means mom is happy and better able to perform her mom duties.
I admire Emily for taking the time to take care of herself. Her commitment to exercise pays off and her kids are learning that mom has needs too. Frequent outings with her girlfriends keeps her connected and vibrant emotionally. She seems able to balance time for friends with taking care of family. More women could benefit by taking her perspective.
I admire Emily for taking the time to take care of herself. Her commitment to exercise pays off and her kids are learning that mom has needs too. Frequent outings with her girlfriends keeps her connected and vibrant emotionally. She seems able to balance time for friends with taking care of family. More women could benefit by taking her perspective.
Clean and comfortable with a spirit of calm and order, welcoming and inviting her home is a pleasure to be in, a place of safety and refuge, a place to relax and refuel for the demands of the world. An atmosphere Emily has purposely and thoughtfully managed to create. I always feel at home when I walk through the door and am slightly sad when the time comes to leave. No unrest could exist if the world were full of homes like hers.
What can be said of Emily Mayfield?
If you're sad, call Emily,
if you're bored, call Emily,
if you you're excited call Emily,
if you're hungry call Emily,
if you need a hug or want to give one, call Emily
if you need a prayer, call Emily
A woman whom we love, and who loves us and God.
But Em doesn't have to have fun all the time, I know she's had to flex her fortitude during some trying times as a dedicated mother to Claire and Max, especially with some recurrent health issues that have arisen. I admire the self-knowledge and conscious engagement she has in dealing with her personal struggles both as an individual and in relationship to others. She understands that you have to deal with your problems if you want things to get better.
Emily chose to build a life together with my brother Joseph. I appreciate her commitment to him, because I love him. I want him to be met by a partner who loves him, challenges him, cherishes him, appreciates him and builds you both up to engage in symbiotic growth. I believe that you both want to be that partner for each other, I'm very lucky to have you in my family.
I sometimes get anxiety about our relationship: I know I'm probably not everything you might hope. I'm still working on my faults and trying to use better relationship skills. I'm going to keep trying and I hope that over these next few decades we can grow closer together. It's nice to have another woman my age in the family. I've enjoyed working on projects with you, and I look forward to many more. Thanks for being your creative, vivacious and ingenious self.
Another memory that comes to mind was the first time that she participated in one of our presentations. Every now and then we were invited to represent our country in a parade of nations which involved groups from different countries. That year our group was invited to parade at the Utah Arts Festival. It was the first time she wore the blue Pollera that her grandma Luque made for her. She was so proud to wear it, and she wasn’t afraid of the crowd. That day she grabbed everybody’s attention. She looked so cute. The picture below was taken that day.
My most precious memory is when she invited me for show and tell when she was in kindergarten. That day Emily and I dressed in Panamanian costumes. I was wearing my Montuno, and she was wearing her blue Poyera. It was the first time for me in front of a group of children, and I was very nervous. I have been in front of crowds before, but never in front of a group of children. The experience turned out to be very pleasant. The children were very attentive and inquisitive about our dresses and my country of origin. That day Emily and I danced El Punto, which is a danced performed during wedding receptions by the bride and groom. We had practiced it the day before for a long time and we were hoping not to make any mistakes. In spite of everything, the kids love it. The attached video is of that dance and is one of my most precious memories and I will cherish it forever. That day Emily made me a very proud uncle.
Emily and I are pretty close in age, only born 3 months and a week apart, so we always had that similarity to bring us together when we would meet as a family. We were also brought together by our love of Grandma and Grandpa’s cats. I have a very early memory of Emily and me each sitting on either side of Kitty Cat, the black-and-white cat who was the only feline resident at G&G’s house when I started to form my first memories. Aside from being rather rotund, Kitty Cat’s main characteristic was her grouchiness, but that didn’t stop Emily and me from wanting to be around her. Both of us had a pretty strong animal magnetism when we were young. I don’t think that’s changed much. When Grandma and Grandpa adopted Muggins as a super sweet kitten, all either of us wanted to do was hang out with him all day too.
There were several times when I remember learning short skits with Emily, Caroline, and Allen. We would perform them for the family at G&G’s house. I’m pretty sure Caroline usually organized those schemes, and it varied how much Allen and I were into it. Sometimes it was super fun, but other times I think I got shy and had to be cajoled into doing my part.
I remember going on family trips as a kid with Emily. In particular, I recall walking with Emily down a trail through the woods on a backpacking trip in the Uinta Mountains, just east of Salt Lake City. The sunlight through the canopy and the smell of the trees were wonderful, but I remember thinking the backpack I was wearing was way too heavy! Once we arrived at the back country campsite, next to an alpine lake, the whole family got totally swarmed by mosquitos! Brent had this green concoction of bug spray he called ‘Jungle Juice’ in a clear, unmarked bottle. It was only mildly effective, but it still felt like a savior.
On another trip in the Uintas, to a place called Moon Lake, the whole family went fishing together. Just before we got on the boats we saw a big porcupine in a cage along the shore. Evidently it had been causing some problems, so they were relocating it. It was the first and last porcupine I saw for a very long time. So cute, and rather crazy-looking! Out on the water, I didn’t catch any fish (never have had much luck in that department), but I remember Emily getting one with some help from my mom. Caroline and Emily shared a cabin on that trip (I think? Or maybe I just remember them hanging out in the cabin together). At one point a bee flew into Caroline’s dress and she started freaking out, justifiably. It definitely stung her. Later on, when the cabin was full of flies, Brent came in and started thwacking them with a roll of newspaper. It was pretty impressive.
I also remember going to Joyce Monker’s house in Idaho with Emily as a young kid. Not sure how old we were—maybe 6? 8? Somewhere in there. We watched E.T. in the basement and ate some delicious pancakes with syrup together at a rough-hewn table in a hardwood kitchen. I remember drinking orange juice and laughing about something now lost to time. Later on that trip I would have a dream that I was wandering around the shrublands around their house and an alien ship appeared above me in the sky as I ducked into a huge sage bush to escape abduction.
Several years later (1998), we all met up as a family in New Mexico—this time also with my mom’s ex-boyfriend Steve Bogolub and his kids, as well as with Fran Warden and several of her adult children. The parts of that trip that stick out to me most are whitewater rafting in the Red River Gorge, spending tons of time talking as a family, and watching the Bulls play the Jazz in the NBA finals. Since we were from Chicago we of course were rooting for the Bulls, but everyone else was from out west—many in fact from Utah—so they were all for the Jazz. The Bulls were on the back foot for a long time, but then Michael Jordan went insane and stole the game at the last second and we won. It actually turned out to be quite a famous game J.
A bit later in life still, I remember visiting Emily, Brent, and Ada in Plano, and in particular recall watching Seven Samurai and going out to Fossil Rim, where Emily and I (and others) rode in the back of an open-topped vehicle through a park full of African savanna herbivores. A crazy-lookin’ ostrich came up to the car and used way too much force than necessary to peck some food out of our food cups (it almost knocked the whole cup out of my hands!), and a gorgeous giraffe leaned in far more elegantly to nibble.
One thing that I have always appreciated is how Emily came to all of our graduations over the years, for high school and college. How boring those ceremonies must have been for her, hearing countless, meaningless names being read off a list and seeing unfamiliar faces walk across the stage as strangers clapped wildly for them. And yet, Emily was always there. I was glad to be able to come out to Emily’s high school graduation in Texas to return the show of support, though I wish that I had also been able to come out to California when she got her Bachelor’s degree several years later... I guess things don’t always work out perfectly.
Probably in Emily’s first years of college, either not long before meeting Joe, or just afterwards, I remember when Emily decided that she was going to be more fervent in her approach to Mormonism. As a bit of a last hurrah, she had us over to her college apartment in Texas and we watched Mean Girls and Bobby, about the last days of Robert Kennedy’s life, and then Emily gave us all of her R-rated DVDs to clear them out of her life. I may have been skeptical at the time, but I do respect the sacrifices she made to hold onto the things in her life that she believes in. Integrity matters.
Perhaps on the same trip, or a year or so before, I remember being in Brent and Ada’s house in Plano and cooking a delicious dinner with Emily and Caroline. We basically had to bar the door to the kitchen to keep Ada from trying to take over the process, but eventually she calmed down and we were able to concoct some pretty bangin’ pesto. And pizza, perhaps? I don’t remember all the dishes. That may have been the same trip when Grandma and Grandpa had us all read the play, John Brown’s Body, which apparently was a’ moldering in the grave! Beyond being an ode to the Civil War and the circumstances surrounding it, I really have no idea what that play was about. I was pretty bored by it… Someday I should probably read it again; it’s pretty famous.
Moving forward in time, I remember meeting Joe for the first time, not long after he and Emily got engaged. We got to hang out at Grandma and Grandpa’s house over a glass of their famous Concord grape juice. Not long after, I was going to their wedding! They were so far ahead of me and my siblings in the family game, but we’re finally getting on the bandwagon now!
I next remember meeting up with Emily, Caroline, and Allen in New York City in August 2010. Joe was in California (and Claire and Max may not actually have been born yet? Or maybe Claire was a tiny baby at that point, also in California?). Either way, we had a blast with drinks on a rooftop bar near Times Square. Emily did not drink alcohol, naturally. Allen’s friend from Japan, Noboru had one beer and got drunk immediately. Nothing too crazy; he just started laughing a lot, lol. Within a few years of that, I remember spending Christmas with our family in Utah. In particular, I will always remember our wonderful cross-country skiing trip. I got to talk with Emily as we glided across the powder, hearing all about her work to finish her undergrad degree. Super fun times
Unfortunately, I think the next time we saw each other was at Grandma Nelson’s funeral in June 2013. That signaled the end of a huge era in our lives. I wouldn’t say that Grandma Nelson was akin to a glue holding our family together, since we have many other ties to bind us, but she represented a critical shared experience for us as cousins. She at once was generous and kind, a font of love and comfort, but could also be fairly overbearing in enforcing rules and regulations on us as kids. She had a unique mixture of approaches that made her a one-of-a-kind person in all of our lives, and maybe more than anything, it was grandma’s love of family that ensured that we got to know each other as cousins from the earliest ages. I probably would not know Emily nearly as well without grandma in our lives. So her funeral was a big deal, personally, as well as for the family history.
The next strong memory I have relating to Emily is of spending time with Claire at the church where we held Grandpa’s 90th birthday party in September 2015. The two of us played hide-and-go-seek behind the big curtain on the church stage and speaking to each other in crazy, weird voices for at least an hour. Claire was not interested in stopping when we had to leave, but we got to keep hanging out afterwards, playing ‘Guess Who?’ and fending off legit-baby Max from taking our game pieces off the window sill where we were perched. He was so persistent! Incidentally, that birthday party happened literally two days after I had my first date with Christine; so that was a pretty important time in my life in general.
The final memory I’ll lay out is, of course, seeing Emily’s family in California last summer. It was great getting to sea-kayak around the Channel Islands and relax in the hot tub at the hotel afterwards. It’s been pretty harrowing thinking about how the whole area north of Ventura burned to a crisp only a few short months later. Jeez… Then getting to hang out in Joshua Tree National Park was a total blast. Claire has changed so much in the last couple years, and it was incredible getting to know her while wandering through those gorgeous desert rock formations, picking cactus prickles out of her hand, and staring at wildlife through my camera and binoculars.
Here’s to many more memories in the future!
I mentioned above Emily and Caroline’s sister-cousin relationship. This has been so valuable to Caroline and also to me. This relationship was especially powerfully demonstrated during Caroline’s wedding preparations and the actual wedding itself. Being with Emily and Caroline as they chose Caroline's wedding dress was a wonderful memory. Here again I saw Emily’s many capabilities in leadership, organization, taste and style come to the forefront. She had seemingly endless patience for selecting just the perfect dress, but more importantly, she was able to accessorize the dress with taste and just the right touch of design. I’m quite sure that it was Emily who helped Caroline choose her hair ornament that really set off her wedding gown. Caroline and I both deferred to Emily on questions of style. As Caroline stood on the raised dais and Emily adjusted the dress perfectly and with great confidence stated which ornaments and veils would go well with which dresses, it was clear that she has an innate talent for choosing tasteful combinations. She never tried to take over Caroline’s actual decision-making, but she was able to tell us which outfits actually went together, something that has never been a strong suit of mine or of Caroline’s. Again, she knew when to step forward with advice and when to pull back to let Caroline make the decision, so that when Caroline actually did choose the dress she knew it was just right for her. Emily has a tremendous talent for design and also for subtle direction and leadership.
If you're sad, call Emily,
if you're bored, call Emily,
if you you're excited call Emily,
if you're hungry call Emily,
if you need a hug or want to give one, call Emily
if you need a prayer, call Emily
A woman whom we love, and who loves us and God.
Norman Antonio “Tony” Luque
Dear Emily,
When you were born, I was an Electrical Engineering student at the University of Utah in my Junior year. I was living with your Uncle Rolando and Aunt Gina in an apartment in Salt Lake City. In the weeks before your birth, your Mom asked me to donate blood, as a reserve for her, a sound precaution in those early days of AIDS. It was the first time I had given blood, and it felt good to be able to help, and to be trusted with such an important detail.
1988 was a joyful but busy year for your Grandma Leonila Luque. She was there for your Aunt Gladys when David was born in February. Then late that Fall, Grandma Leonila came to meet you, and to lend a hand to your Mom and Dad. It was quite a change for her from tropical Panamá to snowy Farmington, Utah. Grandma had never experienced the harshness of winter weather in the Rockies. Nevertheless, she stayed for 3 months, weary of the cold but happy to help and be close to all of you.
After graduate school, I moved to Seattle for work in 1994, and relocated across the country to New England just two years after that. I was happy you and your parents came to visit me back East in the Summer of 1996. Aunt Gina kept me up-to-date of your life, talents, activities and boyfriends in Dallas. I was always looking for ways to make you laugh. Once, at one of your Choir concerts, I walked down the isle of this church full of people with an orange and black Tigger tail dangling from the back of my dress pants. I could feel people stare and hear kids giggle, but only paid mind to the smile and disbelief in your eyes. Embarrassing uncles, can’t take them anywhere!
I am thankful for Joe’s request to contribute memories for your 30th Birthday. I am happy you are blessed with a wonderful family. I am very proud of you, and grateful to be your uncle.
Hugs,
Hugs,
Norman Antonio “Tony” Luque and Aunt Valerie Luque
Rebecca Mayfield
I appreciate having Emily in my life. She is an active part of a beautiful family of which I am proud to be a part. Emily goes out of her way to think of and include others. I was touched that she invited me to be part of her bridal party when our relationship was still new despite that her other choices were all long time close compatriots. She works on being a kind, open-hearted and loving person because she knows being that sort of a person is a choice. She has been accepting and supportive of me even though our lives are very different and I am not always as good a friend to her as I'd hope to be. Emily speaks her mind clearly, usually with positive can-do attitude, and without sugar coating or hedging. She enjoys fun and can really rally for a good time. Everyone was pleased that she readily took to the family quirkiness and threw down for Mayfield Day! She has been an accommodating hostess several times already to myself and other family members. Her curated tour of Disneyland with the kids and all the rides was a total blast for me!But Em doesn't have to have fun all the time, I know she's had to flex her fortitude during some trying times as a dedicated mother to Claire and Max, especially with some recurrent health issues that have arisen. I admire the self-knowledge and conscious engagement she has in dealing with her personal struggles both as an individual and in relationship to others. She understands that you have to deal with your problems if you want things to get better.
Emily chose to build a life together with my brother Joseph. I appreciate her commitment to him, because I love him. I want him to be met by a partner who loves him, challenges him, cherishes him, appreciates him and builds you both up to engage in symbiotic growth. I believe that you both want to be that partner for each other, I'm very lucky to have you in my family.
I sometimes get anxiety about our relationship: I know I'm probably not everything you might hope. I'm still working on my faults and trying to use better relationship skills. I'm going to keep trying and I hope that over these next few decades we can grow closer together. It's nice to have another woman my age in the family. I've enjoyed working on projects with you, and I look forward to many more. Thanks for being your creative, vivacious and ingenious self.
Happy 30th Birthday Emily! I love you very much, and I'll always try to be there for you.
~Yours truly,
Rebecca Mayfield
Rebecca Mayfield
Rolando "Rolo" Luque
When Emily was born she brought sunshine to all of us. Some of my happiest memories are those of holding her as a baby, playing with her as a toddler, and teaching her Spanish. I still remember her first experience with dancing. She must have been 3 or 4 years old. At that time, her aunt Gina and me, used to go to parties and dance a lot. So one night when we were babysitting her, she asked us to teach her to dance so we put some slow music on the radio and showed her how to dance. It was the first time I ever danced with her and she was so eager to learn.Another memory that comes to mind was the first time that she participated in one of our presentations. Every now and then we were invited to represent our country in a parade of nations which involved groups from different countries. That year our group was invited to parade at the Utah Arts Festival. It was the first time she wore the blue Pollera that her grandma Luque made for her. She was so proud to wear it, and she wasn’t afraid of the crowd. That day she grabbed everybody’s attention. She looked so cute. The picture below was taken that day.
My most precious memory is when she invited me for show and tell when she was in kindergarten. That day Emily and I dressed in Panamanian costumes. I was wearing my Montuno, and she was wearing her blue Poyera. It was the first time for me in front of a group of children, and I was very nervous. I have been in front of crowds before, but never in front of a group of children. The experience turned out to be very pleasant. The children were very attentive and inquisitive about our dresses and my country of origin. That day Emily and I danced El Punto, which is a danced performed during wedding receptions by the bride and groom. We had practiced it the day before for a long time and we were hoping not to make any mistakes. In spite of everything, the kids love it. The attached video is of that dance and is one of my most precious memories and I will cherish it forever. That day Emily made me a very proud uncle.
Scott Nelson
I’ll start with some early memories, from when we were under 10 years old. As many memories—and particularly early ones—tend to be, they are more snapshots and impressions than detailed stories.Emily and I are pretty close in age, only born 3 months and a week apart, so we always had that similarity to bring us together when we would meet as a family. We were also brought together by our love of Grandma and Grandpa’s cats. I have a very early memory of Emily and me each sitting on either side of Kitty Cat, the black-and-white cat who was the only feline resident at G&G’s house when I started to form my first memories. Aside from being rather rotund, Kitty Cat’s main characteristic was her grouchiness, but that didn’t stop Emily and me from wanting to be around her. Both of us had a pretty strong animal magnetism when we were young. I don’t think that’s changed much. When Grandma and Grandpa adopted Muggins as a super sweet kitten, all either of us wanted to do was hang out with him all day too.
There were several times when I remember learning short skits with Emily, Caroline, and Allen. We would perform them for the family at G&G’s house. I’m pretty sure Caroline usually organized those schemes, and it varied how much Allen and I were into it. Sometimes it was super fun, but other times I think I got shy and had to be cajoled into doing my part.
I remember going on family trips as a kid with Emily. In particular, I recall walking with Emily down a trail through the woods on a backpacking trip in the Uinta Mountains, just east of Salt Lake City. The sunlight through the canopy and the smell of the trees were wonderful, but I remember thinking the backpack I was wearing was way too heavy! Once we arrived at the back country campsite, next to an alpine lake, the whole family got totally swarmed by mosquitos! Brent had this green concoction of bug spray he called ‘Jungle Juice’ in a clear, unmarked bottle. It was only mildly effective, but it still felt like a savior.
On another trip in the Uintas, to a place called Moon Lake, the whole family went fishing together. Just before we got on the boats we saw a big porcupine in a cage along the shore. Evidently it had been causing some problems, so they were relocating it. It was the first and last porcupine I saw for a very long time. So cute, and rather crazy-looking! Out on the water, I didn’t catch any fish (never have had much luck in that department), but I remember Emily getting one with some help from my mom. Caroline and Emily shared a cabin on that trip (I think? Or maybe I just remember them hanging out in the cabin together). At one point a bee flew into Caroline’s dress and she started freaking out, justifiably. It definitely stung her. Later on, when the cabin was full of flies, Brent came in and started thwacking them with a roll of newspaper. It was pretty impressive.
I also remember going to Joyce Monker’s house in Idaho with Emily as a young kid. Not sure how old we were—maybe 6? 8? Somewhere in there. We watched E.T. in the basement and ate some delicious pancakes with syrup together at a rough-hewn table in a hardwood kitchen. I remember drinking orange juice and laughing about something now lost to time. Later on that trip I would have a dream that I was wandering around the shrublands around their house and an alien ship appeared above me in the sky as I ducked into a huge sage bush to escape abduction.
Several years later (1998), we all met up as a family in New Mexico—this time also with my mom’s ex-boyfriend Steve Bogolub and his kids, as well as with Fran Warden and several of her adult children. The parts of that trip that stick out to me most are whitewater rafting in the Red River Gorge, spending tons of time talking as a family, and watching the Bulls play the Jazz in the NBA finals. Since we were from Chicago we of course were rooting for the Bulls, but everyone else was from out west—many in fact from Utah—so they were all for the Jazz. The Bulls were on the back foot for a long time, but then Michael Jordan went insane and stole the game at the last second and we won. It actually turned out to be quite a famous game J.
A bit later in life still, I remember visiting Emily, Brent, and Ada in Plano, and in particular recall watching Seven Samurai and going out to Fossil Rim, where Emily and I (and others) rode in the back of an open-topped vehicle through a park full of African savanna herbivores. A crazy-lookin’ ostrich came up to the car and used way too much force than necessary to peck some food out of our food cups (it almost knocked the whole cup out of my hands!), and a gorgeous giraffe leaned in far more elegantly to nibble.
One thing that I have always appreciated is how Emily came to all of our graduations over the years, for high school and college. How boring those ceremonies must have been for her, hearing countless, meaningless names being read off a list and seeing unfamiliar faces walk across the stage as strangers clapped wildly for them. And yet, Emily was always there. I was glad to be able to come out to Emily’s high school graduation in Texas to return the show of support, though I wish that I had also been able to come out to California when she got her Bachelor’s degree several years later... I guess things don’t always work out perfectly.
Probably in Emily’s first years of college, either not long before meeting Joe, or just afterwards, I remember when Emily decided that she was going to be more fervent in her approach to Mormonism. As a bit of a last hurrah, she had us over to her college apartment in Texas and we watched Mean Girls and Bobby, about the last days of Robert Kennedy’s life, and then Emily gave us all of her R-rated DVDs to clear them out of her life. I may have been skeptical at the time, but I do respect the sacrifices she made to hold onto the things in her life that she believes in. Integrity matters.
Perhaps on the same trip, or a year or so before, I remember being in Brent and Ada’s house in Plano and cooking a delicious dinner with Emily and Caroline. We basically had to bar the door to the kitchen to keep Ada from trying to take over the process, but eventually she calmed down and we were able to concoct some pretty bangin’ pesto. And pizza, perhaps? I don’t remember all the dishes. That may have been the same trip when Grandma and Grandpa had us all read the play, John Brown’s Body, which apparently was a’ moldering in the grave! Beyond being an ode to the Civil War and the circumstances surrounding it, I really have no idea what that play was about. I was pretty bored by it… Someday I should probably read it again; it’s pretty famous.
Moving forward in time, I remember meeting Joe for the first time, not long after he and Emily got engaged. We got to hang out at Grandma and Grandpa’s house over a glass of their famous Concord grape juice. Not long after, I was going to their wedding! They were so far ahead of me and my siblings in the family game, but we’re finally getting on the bandwagon now!
I next remember meeting up with Emily, Caroline, and Allen in New York City in August 2010. Joe was in California (and Claire and Max may not actually have been born yet? Or maybe Claire was a tiny baby at that point, also in California?). Either way, we had a blast with drinks on a rooftop bar near Times Square. Emily did not drink alcohol, naturally. Allen’s friend from Japan, Noboru had one beer and got drunk immediately. Nothing too crazy; he just started laughing a lot, lol. Within a few years of that, I remember spending Christmas with our family in Utah. In particular, I will always remember our wonderful cross-country skiing trip. I got to talk with Emily as we glided across the powder, hearing all about her work to finish her undergrad degree. Super fun times
Unfortunately, I think the next time we saw each other was at Grandma Nelson’s funeral in June 2013. That signaled the end of a huge era in our lives. I wouldn’t say that Grandma Nelson was akin to a glue holding our family together, since we have many other ties to bind us, but she represented a critical shared experience for us as cousins. She at once was generous and kind, a font of love and comfort, but could also be fairly overbearing in enforcing rules and regulations on us as kids. She had a unique mixture of approaches that made her a one-of-a-kind person in all of our lives, and maybe more than anything, it was grandma’s love of family that ensured that we got to know each other as cousins from the earliest ages. I probably would not know Emily nearly as well without grandma in our lives. So her funeral was a big deal, personally, as well as for the family history.
The next strong memory I have relating to Emily is of spending time with Claire at the church where we held Grandpa’s 90th birthday party in September 2015. The two of us played hide-and-go-seek behind the big curtain on the church stage and speaking to each other in crazy, weird voices for at least an hour. Claire was not interested in stopping when we had to leave, but we got to keep hanging out afterwards, playing ‘Guess Who?’ and fending off legit-baby Max from taking our game pieces off the window sill where we were perched. He was so persistent! Incidentally, that birthday party happened literally two days after I had my first date with Christine; so that was a pretty important time in my life in general.
The final memory I’ll lay out is, of course, seeing Emily’s family in California last summer. It was great getting to sea-kayak around the Channel Islands and relax in the hot tub at the hotel afterwards. It’s been pretty harrowing thinking about how the whole area north of Ventura burned to a crisp only a few short months later. Jeez… Then getting to hang out in Joshua Tree National Park was a total blast. Claire has changed so much in the last couple years, and it was incredible getting to know her while wandering through those gorgeous desert rock formations, picking cactus prickles out of her hand, and staring at wildlife through my camera and binoculars.
Here’s to many more memories in the future!
Susi Mayfield-Yamao
Hey Emily,
Iiiiiiiiiit’sbirthday!to your dirty 30s! I really don’t know why they call it that, but with Max getting older and Claire maturing, 30 will hopefully be significantly less dirty than your late 20-somethings.
Iiiiiiiiiit’sbirthday!to your dirty 30s! I really don’t know why they call it that, but with Max getting older and Claire maturing, 30 will hopefully be significantly less dirty than your late 20-somethings.
In Japan it’s common for family members to call each other by relationship titles rather than names. So I might call Joe, “big brother” instead of Joe, or just call Rebecca “little sister” all the time. And when it comes to in-laws, the whole “in-law” part more or less gets dropped. So, from this cultures perspective, even though you’re a few years younger than I am, you became my “big sister” when you married Joe.
I actually feel that that is totally appropriate; you’ve done so many things before I have! You got married before me and had 2 kids before I could even get my life together enough to have 1! When it comes to motherhood in particular, your example has shown me things that I’d like to emulate. You are emotionally strong enough to make your opinions clear and known and defend them if you must. You know and are ok with having limits to what you can realistically accomplish as far as house work and meeting other people’s expectations are concerned. And while taking care of your family and looking after their needs are top priority, you still take time to make sure your needs are being met, too. Self-care, and female companionship!
I actually feel that that is totally appropriate; you’ve done so many things before I have! You got married before me and had 2 kids before I could even get my life together enough to have 1! When it comes to motherhood in particular, your example has shown me things that I’d like to emulate. You are emotionally strong enough to make your opinions clear and known and defend them if you must. You know and are ok with having limits to what you can realistically accomplish as far as house work and meeting other people’s expectations are concerned. And while taking care of your family and looking after their needs are top priority, you still take time to make sure your needs are being met, too. Self-care, and female companionship!
I don’t know if I’d go as far as to call how I feel about you a “woman crush,” but I have so much respect for you, Emily. I really appreciate the time we got to spend together last winter.I always appreciate the advice you give me -momming, cooking hacks, beauty tips!
I hope 30 is the best year yet! Lots of love!
Your older little sister,
Susi
Susi
Therese Allen-Vassar
I have four memories of Emily that I want to talk about. First of all, we have to get one out of the way. Emily was a very strong-willed little girl. In fact, she was just like her aunt. She had distinct ideas about what she should do. One year we spent time together at Moon Lake. Caroline and Emily had a wonderful time playing together and really cemented their sister-cousin relationship. However, there was one unfortunate incident. I was given the assignment of getting Emily after a boat ride and taking her back to the cabin with me. Emily decided she definitely didn't want to go. The way I understood it at the time is that she was very unwilling to leave the boat and it was my job to bring her back safely. But I really don't remember that very well. What I do remember, is that Emily and I basically fought all the way back to the cabin, me holding her hand and pulling her along, and her super mad and resisting all the way. I think at this point that it would've been better for me to try to understand why she wanted to stay and to listen to her first rather than just asserting my will. Sorry Emily.
Emily is a fantastic cook. I will never forget the delicious meals that Emily prepared in Texas. What I remember most of all was a pizza with basil. I also have a funny memory about that basil. I remember Emily didn’t have the basil that she needed for the pizza, so Brent went out and bought the basil. I remember that I was looking toward Emily and saw her face, and then moments later I saw Brent leave out of the front door (I could see Emily and the front door from where I was sitting) and a little while later he was back with a bag of basil. Emily wanted the pizza to be just right for everyone and Brent helped her to achieve that goal. I remember that it had a wonderful flavor. I seem to recall that the pizza crust was whole wheat, and I just remember it as being delicious. Emily gave me the web addresses of her recipes (Oh She Glows and The Kitchen Twist).
I remember how incredibly efficient Emily was when she was cooking for JoAnn during JoAnn’s final illness and death. She was amazing with gadgets. She knew just how to use her kitchen equipment for maximum efficiency and capability in turning out delicious food. I remember going to Toni Myers's house and Emily brought along her Vita Mix all the way from her home (!) and we made enormous amounts of food. Emily directed the entire operation and just told us, me and Caroline, what to do. I want to especially mention here how much I noticed Emily’s leadership abilities. She was able to delegate to others rather than trying to do everything all herself, to plan and sequence complex projects down to their small details, to make sure that she had everything she needed for the task, and do it all with grace, thus bringing her followers along with her. We made lots of food for JoAnn and put it all in her freezer so that JoAnn would be fed in both body and spirit, knowing that her family loved her. Speaking of JoAnn, I don’t really have a memory of this because I wasn’t there, but JoAnn told me that after school during the time that Emily was in elementary school, Emily would come home to her house and they would play together. She said one time—maybe it was more—she and Emily got out big scarves and waved them all around. JoAnn absolutely loved having Emily come over in the afternoons. It was a highlight of her day, and I think one of her favorite times of life. She always wanted a daughter, and Emily was like a daughter to her.
I mentioned above Emily and Caroline’s sister-cousin relationship. This has been so valuable to Caroline and also to me. This relationship was especially powerfully demonstrated during Caroline’s wedding preparations and the actual wedding itself. Being with Emily and Caroline as they chose Caroline's wedding dress was a wonderful memory. Here again I saw Emily’s many capabilities in leadership, organization, taste and style come to the forefront. She had seemingly endless patience for selecting just the perfect dress, but more importantly, she was able to accessorize the dress with taste and just the right touch of design. I’m quite sure that it was Emily who helped Caroline choose her hair ornament that really set off her wedding gown. Caroline and I both deferred to Emily on questions of style. As Caroline stood on the raised dais and Emily adjusted the dress perfectly and with great confidence stated which ornaments and veils would go well with which dresses, it was clear that she has an innate talent for choosing tasteful combinations. She never tried to take over Caroline’s actual decision-making, but she was able to tell us which outfits actually went together, something that has never been a strong suit of mine or of Caroline’s. Again, she knew when to step forward with advice and when to pull back to let Caroline make the decision, so that when Caroline actually did choose the dress she knew it was just right for her. Emily has a tremendous talent for design and also for subtle direction and leadership.
Finally, I recall the fun of the California trip. I loved standing with Emily on the prow of the boat as we rode the waves back from the Channel Islands in California. I’m sorry that Emily, I think, was cold, even though I think we all enjoyed being up in the air and the spray of the ocean instead of back in the stern of the ship looking at the bathrooms (which was some bad advice that we unfortunately followed on the way out to the islands). Emily was a huge asset to the trip as we plied our way in kayaks around the sea caves. We were all very happy that no one capsized and fell in. Emily went out snorkeling with the other cousins, which greatly impressed the guides who had definitely thought that as people from cities who had never kayaked before we were all going to be scared and maybe not even go out in the kayaks and probably get sick and fall in and be too wimpy to go snorkeling. I heard the guides, although they were very nice and helpful, talking to each other on the boat and saying that if we were getting sick on this boat it would be even worse in the kayaks. As it was, no one got sick on the kayaks and we saw beautiful sea caves. I was the only one who wimped out on the snorkeling because I wasn’t willing to get back into that cold, wet, too-small wet suit.
We had a great time walking around in Joshua Tree National Park. It was really great to see how Emily’s parenting skills with Claire have turned her into a curious and thoughtful girl who was so interested in discovering all the aspects of nature she could and filling out her Junior Ranger book. As we spent time in the cabin at the Joshua Tree doing rock climbing (who knew Emily had developed such expertise with ropes) and enjoyed playing games and being together as a family, I felt fortunate to have Emily in our lives. When the cousins are all together it’s as though Emily becomes a natural part of our family and her family together, so that we are all blended into one big Nelson clan.
And finally Emily, thank you for attending so many graduations with patience and solidarity. We have greatly benefited from the way that you have supported our family through all of our ups and downs. It is wonderful to be part of a family that cares about each other. Happy birthday!
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